New Years tradition

It wouldn't be me if I didn't type out a few New Year's Resolutions... its very typical of me to make resolutions and even more typical of me not to keep them. I seem to fall into the same pattern each year... Enthusiastic, energetic and determined to accomplish everything that I didn't get to last year. By June, I've forgotten what I started the year off with. Resolutions are meant to be kept, a change we're supposed to make that will ultimately make us better then we were last year in all different areas. And isn't that the whole reason we're here... to become better people? So this new year, new decade, my resolutions are going to be kept. It may take me longer on some but I'm going to accomplish them. Think of this list as a short bucket list to what I eventually plan to do with my life.

I hope each of you have a very Happy New Year and that each of you are able to make that initial step to becoming a better person then you already are (which will be difficult for a lot of you since you're already pretty darn good people!)

Resolution List:

*Write in my journal at least once a month (end of the month to be exact so that someday I can look back and remember these days)
*Run at least a 5k each holiday that they offer one
*Run the Boulder Boulder (10k) in May
*Read the New Testament
*Learning something new... anything just something new
*Finish at least one of the books I started typing.
*Get at least a 3.7 GPA in my classes
*Volunteer at a retirement home
*Go Mountain Biking
*Pay off credit card
*Read more books- even ones that I may not find interesting
*Learn more about the world/government
*spend less money on necessities that I don't need
*get a place of my own

Shoes

I know its a bit ridiculous but I'm in love with these shoes! Now I've been seeing ads in almost every magazine that I flip through but it wasn't until just recently when I realized I need these shoes. I thought that I would be able to casually walk into any local athletic shoe store and make this fabulous purchase. I entered my first store and took a quick lap around the store, even shocked that I would need to do this. Quickly asking a sales associate "Where are the Easy Tone Reebok shoes?" I expected a quick point to their location and I would be on my way. "I'm sorry we don't carry those shoes". "Oh, ok" A little surprised, I shrugged my shoulders and figured I would just head across the street to the next store and make my purchase there. I soon realized that finding these shoes wasn't going to be easy. "We don't carry them" or "We're out of stock on them" was the common theme I heard.

It became an obsession for me... I was determined to find these shoes. Ordering online turned out to bring dismal results as well. I need these shoes. Sleeping is no longer an option. I have checked over 15 stores, searched 10 different websites and still am left empty handed.

and then...

One store came through... Dicks sporting goods store. Location: 30 miles away. Store opens: 7am. What time will I be there: 7am.

I'm getting these shoes.

A few new reads

I love to read. I love opening a book and literally feeling like I'm there in the scene, experiencing what I'm reading in real life. I've had more free time on my hands so I'm going through books a lot more quickly. I have to say its a little ridiculous how much I enjoy reading... its an addiction. All I want to do is fall into the world I read about and the lives that have been written with such detail.

My most recent infatuation started a couple of weeks ago when my fabulous friend Jenn from work introduced me to a few books she had just completed. They are written by the author Emily Giffin and I have to say that I thoroughly enjoy her books. I started with the novel Something Borrowed. I have become obsessed with her writing style. She brings the story to life in such a way where you feel like you are standing in the room with the characters; sharing the emotions that they feel, seeing what they see. I read the book in about 5 days. Jenn promised me the sequel Something Blue and just like the first I was sucked in. I'm excited to know that Emily has written several other books that I can't wait to divulge.




-Thanks Jenn for sharing with me such a great set of books!

Things to be Thankful for

Each girl experienced it as a child... the pants on the head, running around, pretending that the legs were locks of hair flowing over their shoulder. It may have been more common for girls with short hair, but at one point in each of our lives I think we were guilty of this act. It was quite common to see my sisters running around with their favorite pair of stretchy pants, tied up in a rubber band. My youngest niece had her 2nd birthday this week and already she started this. I couldn't help but take photos of her with the pants on the head and then a few others that are just adorable...











I started thinking when I began this entry, how thankful I am for family. For the innocence of the children in my life. Their free spirits and unwillingness to get upset for too long. I am thankful for the friends that support me each day. Even the ones that I haven't stayed super close to (to those of you, I'm going to try better this upcoming year). I know that they are in my corner; pushing me to my fullest potential. I'm thankful for the challenges I have in my life, usually I am unwilling to accept them but I know that they only teach me how to become a better person then I was yesterday. I'm thankful for the simple things in life; the country I live in, the job I have, the bed I sleep in. I'm thankful for the things I don't understand, because I know that God is in control and eventually everything will work out the way it's supposed to. So on this Thanksgiving, I know that more then ever I am blessed.

"What a world it would be if we could forget
our troubles as easily as we forget our blessings."

Utah Visits

So it seems a little odd that I went and visited Utah after only being away for about a month. Well it all began when my old roommate Kellyanne and I planned to attend the Dashboard Confessional concert. We hit it up last year and had one of the best times of our lives (at least mine... see blog on concerts) :) So I booked my tickets back out to Utah, took the time off of work and planned the visits to see many important people to me. That's when the news hit... the phone call from Kellyanne saying that "Dashboard canceled their concert" I was devastated, reached for a brown paper sack to breath into, counted to 10 (ok it wasn't that bad) but I had to make the decision on whether or not I should still go through with the trip. My whole point was to go to their concert and now that it was canceled, I contemplated staying in Colorado. I had plenty of work to do, could save the money and vacation hours but I missed my friends terribly and needed a little break so Utah and me were one again...


Here is Noah and me (my friend Sam's son) I want to gobble him up!


My dear dear friend Sam and her little man Noah!


This is me holding my friend Tanya's new little mini! Oh my goodness he was just a little piece of Heaven!


Tanya and her mini(Rocco Manoni)


I went out with my favorite couple Angie and Tony on Friday night!! We had so much fun going to FYE... Tony finally got to see Angie and I in action and help with the decision process. I adore them and hope someday I have a relationship as good as theirs!


I went out to lunch with my sweet friend Diana!!


This picture is old but my wonderful friend Christina hooked me up with an hour long massage at her school! It was amazing (especially since it was my first one)


And of course... my fabulous girls! We got pedicures, went to dinners, made up new games and had a great time!

Thanks for nice relaxing and fabulous weekend friends!

Snow storms

I meant to blog about this earlier but just barely pulled my pictures off my camera. I was reminded that not more then a month ago this weather is what welcomed me home. Could you believe that we ended up getting 23 inches worth of Snow! It snowed straight for 48 hours, trapping every living being inside. Don't you worry though... this weather wasn't trapping me in. I was being defiant, determined to not let a little snow get me down! Ironically this was the same week that my trainer for work flew out from Kansas (leaving 70 degree weather) to train me. I had promised her the week prior to her flight that I would get her to an outlet mall so she could enjoy the wonderful world of Coach, Guess, Ed Hardy, etc So Rebekah and I drove 15 miles/per hour to the mountains. A drive that was normally supposed to take 35 minutes took us 1 hour and 10 minutes. As we were pulling off the exit Rebekah says to me "Wouldn't it be funny if they weren't even open!?" I gave a little chuckle realizing that Oh my heck that could very well be the case.




Sure enough... not a single car sat in the parking lots of the outlet mall. Why we never thought this through before we made the journey is beyond me, but what shocks me even more is when retelling this story... everyone's comment was "Oh I figured it would be closed with all the snow falling". Really? Really? You knew but choose not to share this small piece of information with us?



So we drove a total of 2 hours round trip to eat at a Qudobas at the Castle Rock Outlet Mall. Lets just say, we got some good talking done.

Life is good

So I've been out of touch for the last month and for those of you who only know about my life from reading my blog I will let you know that LIFE IS GOOD. I've been in Colorado for about 3 1/2 weeks and its strange to think that time has passed that quickly. I am really enjoying my new job and am very thankful that I choose to take it. I think that its definitely more my style. I am also very thankful to be close to my family. They have been very good to me and I can I honestly say if for no other reason, moving back to Colorado to be close to my family was well worth it. Don't get me wrong, I miss my friends terribly and wish that I had more out here but I figure maybe a few more weeks and I'll make some.

I won't lie and I'm not proud... I joined a dating website (I will leave the name out of it) and have actually met a handful of decent guys. They definitely provide entertainment and I get a boost of confidence when I see that my "profile" has been checked out over 500 times in two weeks. I'll keep you all posted if I meet any crazy's or have good stories to tell. Till then... I am alive, I'm doing well, and LIFE IS GOOD!

See you all soon...

WICKED

I know I am a little slow in experiencing the wonderful world of musical/play spectrum, but I can't help but blog about the amazing time I had seeing the musical WICKED.

I am a little old school and ashamed to admit that I had no idea what Wicked was about. I knew it was about the wicked witch of the west but honestly couldn't tell you much more then that.I was able to go on Friday with my mom, sisters and my niece. We started the evening off with dinner at Bubba Gumps (based off the movie Forrest Gump) and then hit up the musical right after. We found some humor comparing my sister Mandy to Galinda... especially in the scene when she holds up the mirror after the song Popular and says "Oh hi" I've included a few photos below. It was great to share the evening with the girls :)

A tribute to Utah

Seven years ago I drove 500 miles to a town called Provo, UT. I was 18. Young,stupid and unsure of what my life would end up being.

I never imagined what it would be like, living on my own, supporting myself being what you would call "an adult". In all honesty though, I still wonder sometimes if I could be considered that.

I spent these seven years learning. Each person coming into my life for a specific reason at a specific time. Teaching me something that I wasn't able to learn from anyone else. Helping me along this so called path of life and giving me instruction on how to endure the world when it comes at me. To these people I am ever grateful for. I am thankful for the good and the bad people in my life, because they made me who I am today.

Its crazy to think that in a way I'm ending this chapter of my life. Moving back to Colorado seems awkward, weird, unfamiliar. Its a change that I am willing to make, but hesitant about the unknown.

To Utah: Thank you for the seven years, thank you for the memories. I'm going to miss you. I'll be out to visit...

To Colorado: Lets Roll!

Music

I've been addicted to music lately... any chance I get I search for a new song to download or go through the old ones that I have and fall in love with them all over again. I am on this "artistic" kick right now so I'm addicted to reading, writing, and listening to music. I pretty much push everything else to the side and make these three things my top priorities. Here are a couple of songs that I recently have fallen in love with...

"Fireflies" Owl City
"Hear you Me" Jimmy Eat World (I know this isn't new but I love it!)
"The Chain" Ingrid Michaelson
"The Way I Am" Ingrid Michaelson
"Speaking a Dead Language" Joy Williams
"Love Drunk" Boys Like Girls

and I'm a little embarrassed to admit this song but I love the beat...

"I know you want me" Pitbull


PS:
I need to take a second and thank my oh so favorite show GREY'S ANATOMY for introducing me to some amazing music! A huge shout out to Ingrid Michaelson who literally takes words out of my mouth, throws some chords with it and sings it more profound then any other artist I know of.

Split in two

I can't help but pretend that even the newest news in my life seems a bit of a stretch. A smack to the face, something that even I couldn't have predicted or expected. I guess this is how the Lord tries our faith.

I got a call a week ago from my old boss. It was a Saturday and I was spending the day with a few close friends of mine for a birthday party. We had just finished our pedicures and were killing time while our freshly painted toes threatened to dent or get banged up. This call was unexpected, even when I saw his name I assumed it was to answer a question my replacement wouldn't know or instruct him on how to complete a report. He let me know that he had just returned from Denver where they discussed in detail the position they once had offered me. They had come to the conclusion that the position needed to be filled and this was the reason for the call. Dave was calling to re-offer me the job in Denver. He asked me to think about it and let him know Monday.

My immediate thoughts were to turn it down, I had just gotten situated here. I was in a new position, a new place of living, a new point in my life. It wasn't until Saturday night when I spoke to a good friend that my eyes were opened up a little. I literally felt like I was being pulled in half (I had some VERY interesting dreams these nights). So what should I do??

Over the next few days, I felt like I was on the phone every second I wasn't working. Asking for advice, sharing thoughts that others had and hoping that this person would give me insight that I had overlooked. I prayed. I prayed so much hoping that the Lord would bless me with peace of mind while I made this difficult decision. I talked in detail with my boss... what risks was I taking by accepting the job? Would I get more money? Training etc. I spoke with my bishop, and he reassured me that I needed to do what was best for me. I shouldn't care what others think that it comes down to what is best for me. I talked to my dad. His words of affirmation and advice pierced my soul and calmed me; and then I asked for a blessing from two worthy priesthood holders.

I was reassured in my blessing that I would have a good night's rest. (Something that I had lost out on since I received the call.) I was promised that I would feel more capable of making this decision after this nights rest. I was also promised that no matter what decision I choose to make I would be successful in it. So I did just that... I slept so well and the next morning, after saying a prayer I made the decision. Immediately following this, my mind was cleared. I felt like the weight I was carrying was lifted from my shoulders and since making this decision. I've had nothing but peace of mind. Even when I start feeling moments of doubt, its immediately washed away with reassurance.

So what decision did I make... I moving back to Colorado. Tuesday Oct 13th will be my last day in Utah. I trust in the Lord that this is the decision he wanted me to make and so I go in Faith.

Family History

So I need to admit something to my blog followers. Something I should probably be ashamed to share but it needs to come out. I thought the idea of family history was a bore. I never thought it would be interesting nor did I have any desire to take part in the research. I always figured that is something you do when you get old and especially in our religion, that's the only time you do it.

We had a wonderful lesson in church last week on Family History and I was disappointed in myself that I knew very (and when I say very I mean VERY) little about my ancestors. I listened to several people share their stories of great-great grandparents who did remarkable things. I left feeling down on myself for being to self involved in myself and not taking a few minutes to find out about, well... my family!

I came up and visited my aunt this weekend, she has done a good amount of research on my dad's side of the family and we chatted about it for a couple of hours. She pulled out huge binders full of stories and pictures of my ancestors. I spent the next 6 hours going through these books, learning about these men and women who sacrificed so much. I only made it through a small portion of the stories but it made me eager to do some of this myself. I listed a couple of interesting facts from my grandparents and above that I thought I would share. I plan to squeeze in a few hours over the next couple of weeks to get my own book started. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

- My grandpa loved to dance and play music. He said any spare moments he had you could find him dancing or singing.
-My grandma served a mission, worked in a beauty shop and didn't get married until she was 27. (There is hope for me!)
-Most of my great-grandpas were polygamists. Not one had less then 12 kids. When polygamy stopped they were forced to let go of some of their wives. Many struggled with this decision and continued to keep them even if it meant they would be put in jail.
-I had a great great great grandmother who loved to sew. She and her husband were good friends with Joseph Smith and Emma. My grandmother sewed a lot of Joseph's clothes for him, including the outfit he was killed in.

Just a few stories that stuck with me... I'm excited to gather more :)

My novel

I decided to do a little excerpt from the book I am writing... I'm only about 54 pages into it and still am having some trouble figuring out where I want it to go but I thought that my faithful blog followers could give me some thoughts and inspiration about this one page insert that I have provided. Yes, it may seem like a spoiler but trust me its only the beginning for what else I have in store :) Like I said... its only about one page of the 54 I have written (I shrunk it down and single spaced it) but my mind is all over the place right now that I work on different sections at different times, depending on the mood I am in. I literally pulled this from one part in the story. I apologize if it doesn't totally make sense in the beginning. Bear with me... when you read the whole thing it will.

Have a great day!

My lungs were gasping for the fresh air that so desperately tried to reach them. This simple act felt more like a reward and I wasn’t deserving of it. I fought back the tears, refusing to let even one hit my check. Crying only meant that I was allowing the truth to sink in and the truth hurt too much to believe.

“Holls that was Jim that just called. He was following a few cars behind Grace. I guess she stayed at his place last night. His car was one that was involved in the accident but he made it out with just a few broken bones in his right arm, he didn’t know who else to call.” “Holly, her parents don’t even know yet, where can I get their phone number? You need to come in and sit down, you’re shaking uncontrollably.”

It made sense why the screen door kept tapping against its frame. My hand was frozen in place, thoughts and images I couldn’t keep out but didn’t want to let in. The pains in my stomach were like acid. The only thing that I wanted to do was remove everything from my inside to stop the searing pains that were being created. I don’t remember how I made it to the front room. I think Scott finally managed to push the door open, picked me up and carried me in there. He set me down on the floor, and quickly moved all the clutter that covered the loveseat. I didn’t let him pick me back up, somewhere between his 210 lb build and my little 130 lbs I won the battle. I wanted nothing more then the carpet to suck me in. Hide me from the world and pretend that I never existed. I could hear Scotts voice in the distance somewhere. He was asking questions with impossible answers, his words started blending into each other. The ringing in my ears of cars honking and people screaming started to indulge every sense in my body. I heard him talking to someone, but didn’t remember anyone coming through the front door. It took me a minute to realize that he was on the phone, sharing the same horrible news that I had received what seemed like hours ago. The carpet beneath me started to irritate my face from the shagginess of it and the soggy center I had left from my tears. I tried to raise my head, but even that was like asking me to lift the very house I was laying in.

I didn’t move from that spot all night long. I remember Scott coming in and trying to lift me again, but with my helpless efforts my body laid there as if I too had died. Sleeping wasn’t the answer. I felt like my eyes were the enemy. Every time they suggested shutting I would see the very thing I feared; the scene of the accident; Graces white Honda Accord once so striking, now nothing more then a pile of rubbish. I could hear her screams and pleading for someone to stop the pain and get her out. Then I saw me, sitting in a car just a few feet ahead of her, feeling the same pain that she was experiencing. I tried to avoid the thought, the selfishness of how I survived and she didn't. The overwhelming feelings sent a whole new set of emotions and I prayed right then and there that my wish would be granted and the carpet would finally suck me in.

The night had seemed like a blur. At some point Scott had mentioned the phone call he had with her parents, his apologies that he hadn’t handed the phone to me to hear their condolences and receive them. They had found out the news a few hours prior to Scotts call and were waiting at the airport to fly to Florida. He told me that he had called my parents as well. Tyler demanded to speak to me, but it was I who pushed the phone away, refusing to open my mouth to anyone other then Grace. He confirmed something with Scott, but the extra effort of trying to decipher what that could be was more then I was capable of.

The sun burned my eyes as it seeped through the blinds. I finally blinked for the first time in what seemed like hours. I stared at the patterns in the carpet. Small pieces of shavings from Scott’s projects molded themselves into the webbing. I shaped them into unlike designs. Scott’s heavy breathing came from the coffee colored love seat behind me. Knowing the size of the couch and the length of Scott’s body, he couldn’t be very comfortable. He must have transitioned everything he was working on from the love seat to the couch. I’m sure he was regretting that decision but too exhausted to move it all again. Zoe rested her head on my legs. She made eye contact with me but some how understood not to get too excited over my small movements. The sound of car engines being awoken from a restful sleep was heard in the background of Scotts breathing. The day was beginning, never missing a beat or pausing to feel the pain that now moved freely inside of me.

These are the people

My sweet friend Holly repeats this saying to me quite often and tonight it resounds in my head more fervently.

"People come into our lives for reasons we may never know. Sometimes they come for a short while and others for much longer periods of time, but believe it or not they come when we need them to"

I am still amazed at the sweet spirits I have in my life. I always know who to call when I need a boost of confidence, a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with and someone to reminisce with. I know who will pick up the phone at late hours of the night because yet again, I can't fall asleep. I know who to call in the middle of the day when the boy I like smiled at me and I need help interpreting that. I know who to call when I just give up and can't push forward anymore. I have endless lists of friends who just know how to pick me up when my wings have trouble remembering how to fly. I can't say enough on how much these people make a difference in my life... most of the time they don't even know they are making a difference. The last couple of weeks have been difficult, even after making the decision to stay, and still I have my rocks, my hero's, my comforters, my friends in my life cheering me on and pushing me forward. Sometimes I get upset with Heavenly Father, afraid that maybe He just isn't as aware of me as I had hoped. Then I look around and see the good people he has blessed me with and know that He uses them to help me down the rocky road I have come to.

These are the people I look up to. These are the woman and men that I hope someday I can be like. These are the people who have all the answers to my much needed questions. These are my friends.

train station

I'm sure each of you can relate back to a point in your life where you felt you were at a standstill. It felt like everything around you was moving forward, like the train analogy, everyone jumping on board and you're left at the station waiting for your train to come and pick you up. Is it possible to feel like your at a standstill when so much of your life is changing?

I ask this because that is where I'm at in my life. Nothing in my life is the same, well except for the fact that I'm still single, but even that has hit an all time low. If ever a point in my life shouldn't feel like a standstill it should be this moment. I started a new job, for those of you who didn't already know, I am training to be a pharmacy tech. A good job that could easily be something that I enjoy and foresee doing long term. I still have plans of going back to school and will enroll full time in the spring but my major has nothing to do with Pharmacy, and the more my simple brain learns about the program the more I realize how much memory is involved. I've never had a job where I wasn't the "go-to" girl. I've always held positions where I was the one "in-charge" and "knew what she is doing". To watch how a pharmacy functions and know that at this moment I can't add any value, not only frustrates me but has put me in that standstill mind frame. I try to suck in as much information as I can but unfortunately I am the opposite of a sponge, though I suck it all in, little actually stays with me.

I am having to learn how to make friends, that are girls... something that I haven't dealt with in a very long while. Most of you don't know this, but in my previous position, out of 65 people I interacted with approximately 12 were female. What is my point with all of this? I've gotten comfortable working amongst men. My new position is almost all girls, who are all my same age. Most girls would embrace this, find it comforting and a bit of fresh air... to me, I find it as a new challenge that I'm hesitant to attack. I don't know how to handle drama, or hurt feelings. I've never been good at bragging or being sympathetic. I have found myself this last week, observing, keeping to myself and just trying to take it all in. To me I almost feel like I'm hiding my true identity which has always been outgoing, funny and interesting... I'm just not sure how much of me can get wet in a pool that is already pretty full.

And of course how could I forget to mention the lack of interest I have right now in the male population. I've always been comforted in knowing that even though I wasn't 'in a relationship' at least I was dating. It was reassuring knowing that there were guys out there who found me adorable and irresistible; but as of late, a large shortage has taken effect and I'm left to question the future... I'm not super upset that I'm single, there are many pluses to it, but now and again it would be nice to have a warm body to curl up next to while watching a movie or knowing that another Friday night isn't going to be spent alone or "girls night out" (nothing against my sweet sisters, just needing a little testosterone).

So I sit at the train station, waiting for that train to pull up that is going to have the much needed answers on it... and hopefully, just hopefully, it will be headed down the path that I've intended...

What the...??

So I know my life has been one of those movies where you sit at the edge of your seat, popcorn in hand, not able to actually make the final lift to the mouth because your eyes are glued to the show. You could hear a pin drop in the room... No one wanting to make a sound incase they miss something vital. Each person sitting around you has similar expressions on their faces. Jaws open, no one blinking, even their breathing is so shallow that its a wonder they still have color in their face.

Maybe I'm thinking a little too highly of myself, but I will let you know that even I'm a little unsure what is going on in my life... and if anyone should know, it outta be me right!? So for those of you anxious to know if I'm staying or going, if I'm doing school and if so will it be hair or regular, and where in the heck am I working... sit down, grab a bite to eat and enjoy a little bit of light reading....

So two months ago I was offered a job with my current employer out in Colorado. It was going to be a promotion and since that's where I am from and had already been contemplating a move back to the homeland... I thought it was a sign from God saying "Go home, good things to come". So I sold my contract, told my boss to find a replacement and had the parental unit move all my stuff back to Colorado. Not two weeks before I was supposed to be moving back to the Rocky Mountains did my boss inform me that our Regional offices had different plans in place for the position out in Colorado... they decided against backfilling the job. So where did that leave me? My boss asked this very same question to our Colorado offices and they said "Back at square one".

As my family can contest.... I don't handle stress very well. I don't like knowing what the next month/months look like in my life. So I went into immediate planning mood.... doing a whole re-evaluation of my life. PAUSE: A small side note... a big shout out to my momma who provides such wisdom when I can't see through the dark clouds. She knew just what to say in a time of need! PLAY: I did some research on the hair schools I was interested in out here, and even though I wasn't totally thinking clearly I could feel that hair school wasn't right for me. The school I liked out here raised its prices and didn't have any openings until next year. I didn't feel like it was right and so I went to my next option... finishing up my degree. Again I researched my classes/credits/timing etc. I could finish up my degree in 1 1/2 years if I really wanted to. Having a degree would mean more then I can even explain. I hate to admit this on here, since so often I change my ideas but its something I need to do. I've been trying to look at the reasons the job in Colorado didn't work out... besides my overwhelming frustration with the situation, had I gotten the job I would've kept putting school off. I would've made my current employer my lifetime job...when I know I can do so much more. With the reassurance from my mom that this was a good decision I made the choice to stay in Utah.

Sounds great huh? Remember, half of my stuff is sitting in Colorado, I'm living out of suitcases as different friends housesPAUSE: many many many thanks to Angie and Tony, Kristy, Kellyanne and Danielle, and Nat and Scott! You guys have saved me from living out of suitcases. PLAY: and I don't have a job. Again, much like a robot I jumped into plan mode... My dear sweet friend Brooke offered for me to live with her. She and Dorian will be such fun girls to live with and I'm excited for the adventures we will have! ;0)

Last but not least, my job... I'm not sure yet what I'm going to be doing... a lot is left hanging on a few decisions that need to be made by my company. I will continue to work for the same employer and focus on school. Once I get my degree my opportunities and options will open up. I will keep you all posted on my job, but until then this is the life I've been living for the last few weeks and let me tell you... it definitely has been an eye opener of an experience.

I'm not sure why things happen the way the do, but I'm not too upset that I don't. I trust that God does and he'll guide me if I'm willing to take His hand and let Him lead me.

(Closing Credits)

Wonders

I've got plenty on my mind so bare with me as I unload some of it onto my blog. For some, you have been eagerly awaiting the news I spoke of in my last post. Another upcoming event in my life that I didn't want to jinx. Some of you couldn't handle the anticipation and went directly to the next source of outgoing information... my facebook page! Here you were able to see that I am interviewing for a promotion with my company. I've got two of the five interviews done (and as my dear friend Craig said to me "What the heck!? Are you interviewing to be a doctor?") I am still in the running for this position out in Colorado. Before I share too much more I would like to backup for a second and share how certain events led to this interview. I was sitting at home on a snowy winter day and it dawned on me... I have been in Utah for 6 1/2 years! I slowly started to panic, light-headed and gasping for air, I laid down on my bed hoping that this anxiety would quickly go away. I shuffled through images in my mind. Ones that were memorable, ones that made me who I am today, and ones that I removed as quickly as they entered. Days, weeks and months after this specific moment passed as I contemplated what it was I wanted in life. Naturally the first thoughts that came to my head was a family. I wanted more then anything to have a husband but knowing that its not my timing but the Man upstairs, I needed to be closer to the family he blessed me with. It was that decision (and that alone) that led me to the choice of moving back to Colorado. I prayed a lot about it, asked for direction and guidance. No matter what your spiritual beliefs are, I know that God has a plan for each of us and if we ask in faith, He will lead us down the right one. I struggled back and forth with my decision to stay in Utah or move back to my family in Colorado. I weighed out my options:

Colorado Utah
-My family -My friends
-A fresh start - A good ward
-saving money -comfort

I still couldn't help but think how much I wanted to be close to my family and for that it trumped anything else in my life. Receiving the guidance I needed from the leaders in my church I made the decision. I knew I could transfer with my company; however, there was a chance of loosing a lot with the transfer. I wasn't getting the same position, I could loose a couple of dollars in pay and loose the gaurenteed 8-4:30/M-F shift. I would be living back with my parents. 25, single, and living with your parents isn't always the coolest thing, but again I knew it was something I needed to do. Two amazingly good guys came into my life over the last two months, both with real potential, but knowing that I'm moving in the next couple of months they backed off. I couldn't change my mind. Colorado is where I need to be. When I finally made the decision, opportunities started opening up for me. For example... this job (a job that opens up once every 15-20 years), a job that my bosses contacted me about, wanting to know if I would be interested. A promotion, overseeing people who do my job. I would be known within the company. A huge opportunity. Another example is how excited I am to have at least one dear friend out there named Holly, who has so anxiously kept my spirits up when sometimes they fall short of excited. Lastly, an opportunity to find someone out there who will eventually become my husband... because lets be honest, I'm too cute and won't be on the market for very long once I get out there! :0) (kidding... well kind of). So the Lord does help us along our path if we trust in Him and put all our faith Him. I don't have the job yet, and there is a good chance I don't get it. I could end up being single for a lot longer then I ever expected... but I know that whatever happens, happens for a reason. So in 45 days... I will be a Coloradian again!

More to come...

I know it has been a while since my last update and to tell you the truth I have big things in motion but not settled so rather then giving away a surprise or jinxing myself of anything good happening I have decided to keep this post simple and relaxing. To all of my close blog followers, don't fret! I have not died, given up writing, or chosen to go into hiding (although this crosses my mind every couple of days or so) I am just waiting to receive my own "confirmation", the green light that says "Type these exciting updates! Share with the world of bloggers all the exciting events going on in your life". Be patient, give me some time, and I will share where I have been and what I have been up to over the several weeks... until then enjoy the family photos that were taken a few months ago!




Abbie and Gunner








Me, Joby, Lena, Mandy







Baby Taya




Mike, Trent, Dad, Gunner, Travis







Me

Those were the days...

So I was sitting at work today contemplating the ways of life, arguing with one of my bosses about the amount of water a camel can drink and talking diseases with the other one (you know a normals days worth of work) when it dawned on me... in 8 days (depending on when you read this) I will be 25. Now for my fellow blog followers I wrote an entry last birthday about how I was beginning my quarter-life crisis one year too soon when I splurged and bought a new car. Now that the date is really approaching (May 17th to be exact... all presents are welcome) I'm realizing how I am one step away from having the actual Quarter-life crisis mini melt down. Now is the time to start planning my retirement and becoming a regular at BINGO night. I'll look into buying my cane and start shopping for perfumes by Elizabeth Arden or Elizabeth Taylor that screams old woman. I'll revert back to the roller vacuum that is practically useless, purchase a rocking chair that I can use to sit on the porch and wave to the neighbors. I'll tell stories about the days in school when chalkboards were all we had and whiteboards were a rarity. Friends of mine will join along in the discussion how gas used to be .95 cents a gallon and the cool shows to watch were KIDS Incorporated, Saved by the Bell, Duck Tales and Rescue Rangers. Such things as Nintendo DS and Wii's weren't around. Every child was familiar with the music from Super Mario Bros played on the original Nintendo. Riding bikes and playing make believe was an everyday occurrence. Lunches at school were always phrased in a similar manner "Are you having Hot or Cold lunch today?" For me, it was always cold lunch and if I was really lucky I would get a snackpack or dunkaroos in my bag for dessert. Recess at the time seemed like it lasted for hours, where in actuality it wasn't more then 15 minutes. Nothing mattered back then. The biggest concerns I had as a child was whether or not I was going to get time to play with my friends after school.

Awe yes... those were the days...

The Biggest Loser

So I recently (well about 10 weeks ago) became a fan of the TV show the Biggest Loser. I can't help but get excited for every Tuesday night and watch the challenges that these people have to endure. I find that not only is it uplifting and changing their lives, I notice the longing I have in my own life to start eating better and exercise more. This is why I've set a little challenge for myself... (yes another one) I want to run a 10k before I move back to Colorado (oh wait... did I forget to mention how I told a little white lie in my last entry and have actually decided to go back to Colorado instead!?) Oops sorry! For my Utah friends... I've been here seven long and I guess I can say wonderful years. I have met my best friends here and I can honestly say that it will be difficult but I am excited to get back to Colorado and start new and fresh. Lets face it... Utah and I were never meant to be forever and if I don't leave now, I may never leave. So I will be venturing back to my home state sometime in August depending on school. Don't you worry though... I will still keep my blog updated and share all my exciting stories with you on here.

So back to my 10k, I always seem to down play running in my mind. For example, when people tell me the distances that they run I think to myself "Oh 9 miles, that must have been a little difficult but I can do it" (refer back to my entry about writing a story... I think I can do anything) Until I jump on that treadmill or I start running down the path outside and realize just how far a mile actually is. I'm lucky if I get to 3 or 4 miles before I'm gasping for air, looking for a place to rest my shaky knees. Sweat falls down my brow and I contemplate sticking the thumb out and showing some skin to get a ride back to my condo. Then the words of Bob and Jillian come into my head "Do it again" and I think back to my own trainer Johnny who pushed me when I thought there was no way I could do it again and somehow I find the strength to push through... so I can run this 10k! It will be my going away gift to Utah. (I know... some gift!)

Too Old?

Are you ever too old to start something new? Does there come a time when you have to continue doing what you know how to do and shouldn't attempt to start something new? I know God put us here on this Earth for us to learn and grow. So in answer to that question I don't feel that we are ever too old to try something different and that is what I decided to do...

I've been contemplating a lot of big decisions lately and for the few of you that I share my life drama with you know the stress I've been under. I have finally made decisions to the questions I threw around in my head for so long and am excited to share this with the few blog followers I have!

First and for most, I've been working on finishing school for quite some time. I've changed my major so many times that I've forgotten the one I originally came out for. I've taken a break from school at different points during my time in Utah and settled on one just to finish up. Having many talks with my dear sweet sister, I decided yet again to change life up a little bit (I mean everyone needs a little excitement in their lives) I have decided to go to cosmetology school. I plan to finish up my last semester at UVU this summer and then begin classes in August. I can't explain the excitement I have about this decision... I know its not going to be an easy road but it will definitely be worth it.

With this decision, I have come to appreciate more then ever having a job that can support me while I start this new chapter in my life. I am excited to be able to still work full time and take my cosmetology classes in the evening. It will be a long haul but I trust that if I put my mind to it and really have a desire to do this... all things are possible! And finally, for all those who were praying for me to stay in Utah... you got your wish (at least I'm 98.9% sure of it) I'll be residing in Utah for at least two more years (my Colorado folk... I will return some time in my life... don't you worry!)

I know some of you may be thinking... she turns 25 in a little over a month and she is just now starting to get her life on track? My response to that... I am young, I am single and I have the whole world at my feet. I can do what I want at this point and this is something new and exciting and something I can't wait to begin.

So for my faithful supporters I will need models starting in August so please contact me if you are interested.

WISH ME LUCK!

Festival of Colors!!

(The crowd... there were so many people behind me too)


(before the event)







(lighting the fire)







(in front of the temple)





Red, Yellow, Orange, Blue, Green, Pink, Purple... all colors that landed on my face, my hair and my clothes. This weekend I went for the first time to the Festival of Colors. A Hindu tradition of welcoming spring and scaring away the demons of winter, they light a wood witch on fire and at that moment all of these colored corn starch is thrown up in the air. According to the Deseret News, 15,000 people were there at the Harry Krishna temple in Salem, UT. It was so crowded as bands played music with only two words to their songs... "Harry Krishna" everyone with their painted faces danced around. Photos have been included so that you can enjoy this special event with me!

FYE

"Hello my name is Jennie Mower and I have a movie addiction" ("Hi Jennie" the monotone words are said around the circle. I take my seat next to an overly large plump man with a handle bar mustache who smells like cheap whisky.)

I realized this weekend that I have an addiction... some may say its not one to worry about but as I stare at the shrinking space on my book/movie case I realized I either need to get a bigger movie case or (gulp) I need to slow down on my movie purchases.

For those of you who have seen the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic, I feel that in someway I can relate to my dear sister Isla Fisher who walks into a dept store and feels at home. When I see those three letter F Y E something inside draws me toward those automatic doors. As if a magnet was placed inside of me during one of my many nights of slumber. A mother ship calling her troops back home and I am being beckoned to return. The staff there greets me with a big smile and an offer to assist me in anything I may be looking for. I hate to be rude but I simply wave them off... never could they possibly help me find what I am searching for, because even I don't know what I am searching for. I don't waste my time with the new releases, or the non-previewed DVDs... I walk straight back to my own personal Heaven... the USED DVDs! Before I say anything more... the person who decided to sell their already viewed DVDs for a lesser cost could possibly be my favorite person. Pure Genius! I begin with the Dramas, ensuring that I look at each one of those little White Cards with the different movies that are sorted under it in Alphabetical order. From there I move through Action/Adventure, taking a quick peek at Horror and ending in Comedy. After an hour and seven or more DVD's in my hands I have to sit in their brown comfy chairs and make some of the most important decisions I have made that entire day. Which movies do I ultimately need and which ones do I set back... Torture. Pure torture.

I went on Saturday (having slight with drawls not having been there in over a month) and was able to purchase six movies (yes I said six) for $20. A steal of a deal! I squeezed these six onto my already tight bookshelf/movie stand adding to my 200 movies I already own. Thank you FYE for bringing me such entertainment!

For those of you concerned...please avoid an attempt for an intervention... I will not go easily.

The Water Works

Its amazing how much water the human body can hold... I mean each one of us is made up of 2/3 water! Each day we are constantly loosing the water that we intake, through working out, using the restroom, even breathing we loose 250ml on a daily basis!
Assuming you're not reading my blog to get a biology lesson, I talk about water because I am amazed how many tears I was able to produce over the last three days. I don't write to reach out to you for sympathy or total concern. I don't need the hundreds of comments asking if I am ok or if an intervention needs to take place. I write as somewhat of a tribute to a great man that I cared for a ton, and to express my amazement of the human body.

For those of you who don't know I am originally from Colorado. Moved out here almost seven years ago. I transferred with the company I was working for at the time (and still am working for). Four years ago while working in our Orem location we recently got a new store manager. At the time I didn't care for him too much but over the months he began to wear on me. He was the age of my father and being away from home with no family out here, it was nice to know that I could look to him for advice. That was the start of our friendship. Skipping the details and the boring stuff lets fast forward a little... John got a promotion he was hired to be our new District manager. He left me in the stores after a year of working together. (No more water fights, marker fights or running races) I was devastated. I cried. I slowly moved on still seeing John once or twice a month walking our store and seeing our progress. Fast forward again...(hit play... now!) John's admin at the time decides to move into a new position. I apply for the open position as John's admin and am hired. John and I started a new path again... A year of laughs, frustrations, tears, trips, advice... a year of learning for me to say the least... has just ended. The beginning of this week, John told me that he would be leaving the company... to take some time for him and his family and then look for something else. It felt like my heart dropped into my stomach. The next three days have been a lot of tears.... (me curling up in a ball, sucking my thumb with my pink blanket... ok not that bad) but this now leads me to my amazement of the human body... who knew that so many tears (I mean three days of on again tears off again tears) can come from one body. I didn't drink much either. (You emotional girls know how it is... sometimes we don't eat or drink when we are upset). I think I could have won a record of how many tears were produced these last few days.

Needless to say... John is going to be missed. The days of pounding on the fax machine hoping it will work, throwing all the paper from the shredder onto the floor, or yelling at the UPS truck for its annoying beeps... won't happen anymore. Something good will come (by no means better) but I will definitely miss those days with John.

Taylor: More then just a singer!

I like to find songs that really have emotion and feeling. Something that I can scream to when I'm driving down the freeway while other drivers almost swerve off the road due to their stares at me. Mostly though, I like to find songs that explain exactly how I'm feeling and so far Taylor Swift has been able to express my exact emotions in her songs. I have become such a huge fan of hers.
Recently her Fearless album has consumed my life, I listen to it in the car, I listen to it while I'm getting ready for work. I consider taking it to work with me and listen to it there, but I don't think it would go over well. She has faced the same dilemmas with the same type of guys and I almost feel like we share a common bond. Like I could call her and we could compare notes. Tell our horror stories of the guys we have come in contact with, how much we hate them, love them, wish they would recognize us etc.

I trust her next CD will continue to lead my life in the right direction or tell me how to deal with the next set of loser guys that come into my life. Thanks Taylor!

My TV friends

There is something about ending a TV series that brings a pain to my heart. I have spent countless amounts of hours and memorable moments with these people. Attended their proms, sat and watched as they cried alone in their rooms, I was there for their first date, their first kiss, their first breakup. I grew up with them and helped argue who they should date, how to solve tough challenges and then just as quickly as they came into my life they were out. The series finale of a show I have dedicated so much time to is like saying goodbye to some of my closest friends. I find the following days after the ending of the show alone and wallowing a bit. I long for a new episode that will give my day meaning and am left to entertain myself. I fill the void with looking up new movies they will be in and buy my tickets way in advance. As the days go on, I soon find that I am able to make it through most of the day without longing for my friends. Before long I start a new TV series, begin a new friendship and learn more about the ways of life but never forget my roots and my friends from those beginning shows. ;)

A shout out to all of my favorite characters in all of my favorite television series... thanks for the memories.

He's Just Not That Into You

(WARNING: If you have not seen this movie, some comments that are mentioned could be a Spoiler... Read at your own risk) :0)

This weekend I went with my roomies to see the new hit movie "He's Just not that into you". As I sat there mesmerized by the stories that were being acted out I realized it had been a long time since I have enjoyed a movie as much as this one. Emotions were pulled in all different directions, causing me to laugh, to cry to feel pain and sorrow, but it wasn't only these emotions that had me sitting in my chair, refraining from blinking in case I missed even a second of the movie. They picked a great cast to tell the tale of the famous book released a couple of years ago. I was ecstatic when one of the main characters was named after me (for those of you who don't know my entire family calls me Gigi). Finally, I almost believed that they took pieces of my life and made it into this movie... more then ever I related to each of those women on so many different levels.

Just one weekend prior to this movie coming out I found myself sitting by the phone, watching it so attentively like it would get up and do tricks hoping to get the text message that was from someone important. Only making up excuses on reasons why I didn't hear from him. Many occasions prior to even this one I have found myself comforting girlfriends who have been in situations so similar to mine, and to those in the movie. "Oh Sarah, he probably just got scared because he's never felt like this for someone before" "Betty don't sweat it, he'll call, he just is helping his grandmother do some choirs around the house", "Karen, stop crying he loves you and he will realize how dumb he is being for breaking up with you". How interesting it is that we are so afraid to be the bearer of bad news or give truth to an unsettling situation. I think the moment that touched me the most, the quote that made me want to stand up and start clapping was what Gigi said to Alex about love and the stupid things that girls do in attempts to make a relationship work. I stand by her in saying that I too do those stupid things, saying things without thinking, becoming interested in music, or sports for a guy in hopes that he will think I'm hip or cool. In all reality i am just another girl, the exception to the rule... but I can honestly say I am closer to finding real love then those who close themselves off from finding that.

What a joy that movie brought to my life!! (This entry may be slightly obsessive I just really enjoyed the movie.)

I've been hit!

So I was just shuffling through some of my friends blogs and found that I was tagged by my friend Angie... having no idea of this I thought it would be a fun little idea. Thanks buddy! (I had to change question one since I don't have a husband) :)

4 things I love about my siblings-
1. Joby- Singing in Borders and in Craig! Thank you for your willingness to give me everything you possibly can and more!
2. Mandy-Movie Theater Nachos (and all that those entail) Thanks for making life seem less stressful.
3. Travis- The tumbleweed. You're ability to always know what to say to make me laugh.
4. Lena- The two strangers coming into your law firm! I am so thankful that you are in the fam. You add so much!

4 movies I would watch more than once... (Really! I can only choose 4!?)
1. Remember the Titans
2. Win a date with Tad Hamilton
3. Moulin Rouge
4. Notebook

4 TV shows I would watch more than once
1. Lost
2. The OC
3. Alias
4. Friends

4 places I have been
1. California
2. Bahamas
3. Washington (the state)
4. Nevada

4 people who email me regularly
1. Mason
2. Joby
3. Holly (instant communicator count?)
4. Stacey

4 Favorite Foods
1. Fruit-all of it
2. Pizza
3. Salmon
4. Sushi

4 Places I would like to visit
1. England
2. New York City
3. Hawaii
4. Germany

4 things I am looking forward to this upcoming year
1. Getting into great shape
2. My Birthday
3. Paying off bills
4. Getting a puppy (hopefully)

4 things I love to spend my time doing
1. Reading
2. Shopping (especially at FYE)
3. Hiking
4. Watching movies

4 things I hate
1. Bowling
2. Sitting for long periods of time
3. Math
4. The movie War of the Worlds (that one is for you Angie)

4 people I tag
1. Ashley
2. Stephanie
3. Christal
4. Joby

This is a fun way for people who don't know much about me to learn a few things about me... ENJOY!

My Next Big Thing

I have to admit that I am easily inspired. Watching someone do something enough times automatically ensures that I too can master it. Whether it be learning the guitar to becoming the next CIA agent, I can accomplish it all. I guess it began when I was little and would watch Bob Ross paint on his canvas. He would some how make a blob of paint turn into a deep ocean, or a forest. Not long after watching his show, I decided that my painting skills were up to the challenge. I had my mom buy me a bright white canvas, new paintbrushes and colorful paint. Lets just say that I easily gave up on that dream when my ocean and mountains were confused as a horse with different sized legs. I didn't let this small set back get me down though, so what if I can't paint, I found my next calling in life when I was just a few years older.
I promised myself that I would be the next horse diving girl after I watched the movie Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken. I knew that I would get the chance to run away with the circus people, fall in love with a handsome young guy and dive horses for the rest of my life. Then I went on my first high dive at the swimming pool and realized I was terrified of heights. Next...
In junior high my friend Danielle and i fell in love with the movie Titanic and decided that we needed to write a movie script so amazingly good that Leonardo DiCaprio would star in it. By pulling this together we would then get to be on the set and finally have our chance to profess our undying love to him! And really how difficult is it to write a movie script? So we plugged away, putting in countless amount of hours planning the storyline, picking the perfect cast, outlining the cliffhangers etc. and after two pages and the script complete we decided we weren't actually cut out for that line of work anyway.
Four years ago, I was going to be a CIA agent and learn how to defend myself and beat men up that were twice my size after becoming addicted the the TV show Alias.
All lifestyles that I was dedicated to becoming, which leads me to my most recent project. A seed that was planted six months ago but really started growing a few months later. Reading the twilight books and then seeing them come alive in the movie has really made me want to bring out some of my creative side. Stephenie Myer wrote a book from a dream that she had, and now look at her! I have ideas running through my head all the time... most of them random, others complex, but some that could pull out my creativity and make me famous.

So one day, I chatted with my friend Michael about the idea of writing a book. It didn't need to be anything amazing. The ideas of being famous could come later in life, I've got plenty of time. I wanted to reach inside of me and do something I never have before; a dream that I might be able to accomplish. My friend encouraged me and helped me toy around with the few ideas I had. Its been three months and I'm 50 pages into my story. Its nothing much yet, but maybe someday it can be.