Have a great day!
My lungs were gasping for the fresh air that so desperately tried to reach them. This simple act felt more like a reward and I wasn’t deserving of it. I fought back the tears, refusing to let even one hit my check. Crying only meant that I was allowing the truth to sink in and the truth hurt too much to believe.
“Holls that was Jim that just called. He was following a few cars behind Grace. I guess she stayed at his place last night. His car was one that was involved in the accident but he made it out with just a few broken bones in his right arm, he didn’t know who else to call.” “Holly, her parents don’t even know yet, where can I get their phone number? You need to come in and sit down, you’re shaking uncontrollably.”
It made sense why the screen door kept tapping against its frame. My hand was frozen in place, thoughts and images I couldn’t keep out but didn’t want to let in. The pains in my stomach were like acid. The only thing that I wanted to do was remove everything from my inside to stop the searing pains that were being created. I don’t remember how I made it to the front room. I think Scott finally managed to push the door open, picked me up and carried me in there. He set me down on the floor, and quickly moved all the clutter that covered the loveseat. I didn’t let him pick me back up, somewhere between his 210 lb build and my little 130 lbs I won the battle. I wanted nothing more then the carpet to suck me in. Hide me from the world and pretend that I never existed. I could hear Scotts voice in the distance somewhere. He was asking questions with impossible answers, his words started blending into each other. The ringing in my ears of cars honking and people screaming started to indulge every sense in my body. I heard him talking to someone, but didn’t remember anyone coming through the front door. It took me a minute to realize that he was on the phone, sharing the same horrible news that I had received what seemed like hours ago. The carpet beneath me started to irritate my face from the shagginess of it and the soggy center I had left from my tears. I tried to raise my head, but even that was like asking me to lift the very house I was laying in.
I didn’t move from that spot all night long. I remember Scott coming in and trying to lift me again, but with my helpless efforts my body laid there as if I too had died. Sleeping wasn’t the answer. I felt like my eyes were the enemy. Every time they suggested shutting I would see the very thing I feared; the scene of the accident; Graces white Honda Accord once so striking, now nothing more then a pile of rubbish. I could hear her screams and pleading for someone to stop the pain and get her out. Then I saw me, sitting in a car just a few feet ahead of her, feeling the same pain that she was experiencing. I tried to avoid the thought, the selfishness of how I survived and she didn't. The overwhelming feelings sent a whole new set of emotions and I prayed right then and there that my wish would be granted and the carpet would finally suck me in.
The night had seemed like a blur. At some point Scott had mentioned the phone call he had with her parents, his apologies that he hadn’t handed the phone to me to hear their condolences and receive them. They had found out the news a few hours prior to Scotts call and were waiting at the airport to fly to
The sun burned my eyes as it seeped through the blinds. I finally blinked for the first time in what seemed like hours. I stared at the patterns in the carpet. Small pieces of shavings from Scott’s projects molded themselves into the webbing. I shaped them into unlike designs. Scott’s heavy breathing came from the coffee colored love seat behind me. Knowing the size of the couch and the length of Scott’s body, he couldn’t be very comfortable. He must have transitioned everything he was working on from the love seat to the couch. I’m sure he was regretting that decision but too exhausted to move it all again. Zoe rested her head on my legs. She made eye contact with me but some how understood not to get too excited over my small movements. The sound of car engines being awoken from a restful sleep was heard in the background of Scotts breathing. The day was beginning, never missing a beat or pausing to feel the pain that now moved freely inside of me.