I have to have Faith... Nothing else matters. This simple statement popped into my head while I was twittling my thumbs a few hours ago. I've been on a whirlwind of emotions as of late and can't seem to find anyone or anything that settles them. Going to the bookstore helped and spending three weeks with my nieces also covered up the unsettling feelings I've been having. But now, I sit in a quiet house, left to my thoughts that are doing circles inside my head.
As I mentioned in my previous post, I've lost that desire or motivation to do much. I fear I gave the wrong impression to many of my friends as a handful of you reached out to me, ensuring I was ok. The warm words of advise that you each gave to me or simply knowing that you care was enough to bring a smile to my face. I need to correct myself here, as I don't want to give any of you the impression that I'm depressed or thinking of moving into a dark cave for eternity. I just think I hit that very large hill, actually a mountain in my life, and all I've been given is one of those toy shovels you find in the $1 section at Target.
Heavy decisions are laying at my feet right now... Though nothing has been said, I feel that I have a good chance staying on with Target, making more money in a management position... with the catch of moving back to Utah and going back to a store (rather than the office I've been content with for the last 4 years) in order for this to happen. If I choose to forgo this, I stay in Colorado, don't have nearly as good of a chance staying on with the company (and honestly I'm not 100% positive I want too) left to look for work here.
Success and growth with a well known company that will ultimately pull me away from my family again OR stay close to the most important thing in my life (family), risk loosing my job and having that feeling of total loss for what my future holds?
That is why... I have to have Faith. Nothing else matters.
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