I've gotta have Faith...

I have to have Faith... Nothing else matters. This simple statement popped into my head while I was twittling my thumbs a few hours ago. I've been on a whirlwind of emotions as of late and can't seem to find anyone or anything that settles them. Going to the bookstore helped and spending three weeks with my nieces also covered up the unsettling feelings I've been having. But now, I sit in a quiet house, left to my thoughts that are doing circles inside my head.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I've lost that desire or motivation to do much. I fear I gave the wrong impression to many of my friends as a handful of you reached out to me, ensuring I was ok. The warm words of advise that you each gave to me or simply knowing that you care was enough to bring a smile to my face. I need to correct myself here, as I don't want to give any of you the impression that I'm depressed or thinking of moving into a dark cave for eternity. I just think I hit that very large hill, actually a mountain in my life, and all I've been given is one of those toy shovels you find in the $1 section at Target.

Heavy decisions are laying at my feet right now... Though nothing has been said, I feel that I have a good chance staying on with Target, making more money in a management position... with the catch of moving back to Utah and going back to a store (rather than the office I've been content with for the last 4 years) in order for this to happen. If I choose to forgo this, I stay in Colorado, don't have nearly as good of a chance staying on with the company (and honestly I'm not 100% positive I want too) left to look for work here.

Success and growth with a well known company that will ultimately pull me away from my family again OR stay close to the most important thing in my life (family), risk loosing my job and having that feeling of total loss for what my future holds?

That is why... I have to have Faith. Nothing else matters.

Frustrations

Its been a while since I've last visited my blog or anyone else for that matter. I feel bad that I've lost all desire to get on here and make an effort to be "involved". A lot has happened over the last several weeks, some good things and some bad things. More than anything I've lost a lot of motivation to do things. There has been a lot on my mind and it really has been trying on me. I am looking for the sun through the clouds and trying to see the good through the bad. I am hoping that over the next few weeks I won't loose complete hope and will find that fire to light underneath me. Typically I don't like to write about the negative things in my life, because I want my blog to be a place where people can laugh at the things I experience and find some peace of mind after reading what I write. Normally I would just let this blow over, pick something funny that has happened and not even bring up the frustrations in my life, but I promised my sister I would continue to write and so this is what is going on....


I found out that my current position is going to be moving up to Headquarters in Minnesota in March which is not something that I'm interested in pursuing. There has been a lot of conflicting information given to me and I'm starting to question if my time with this company is coming to an end. For the first time in a LONG time I have put my resume together and began taking a peek at what else is out there. I almost feel forced to do this, I really enjoy my job as a recruiting specialist and am sad that this is the step I have to take. I guess this is an opening door for me... as they say when one door closes another one opens. This may be a chance for me to start my life.

I've been focusing a lot on school. I have less than a year left until I will graduate with my degree. I know many people don't see this as the accomplishment but it really is. For more reasons than many of you will ever know, I have to find pride in this tiny chapter in my life. I am proud of my accomplishments thus far and can't wait until these online classes are over. They take up so much of my time that I spend about 10-15 hours a week just doing homework. I am loosing my motivation to work out and can see the effects of it. I typically try and make it a point to spend an hour at the gym but the last few weeks that hasn't been the case. I have the scale sitting in my bathroom and I'm afraid when I step on it, the thing will speak for the first time yelling "get off me fatso!" I miss writing and wish I could write about things that interest me and not on topics like "How can working in a team be a good thing"

Reading helps me move through these frustrating moments. I love to read and have been working through books left and right. (Speaking of this, I should write thank you letters to a few of my favorite authors). I've been spending a lot of time just by myself contemplating what it is that I'm supposed to do. I'm not the type of person who just expects things to happen for me. I'm a person who has to have a plan and will write that plan of my life if I have too. I don't want to wait and see what comes along. I want to make sure that I have a hand in where things go. I want to make sure that I'm ready for what God gives me.

If any of you have suggestions, places to check out for employment or other methods to find motivation I would really appreciate it.

Until next time my friends...