Everyday we go through life involved in our own worlds. We spend countless amount of hours figuring out the best solutions for the problems in our lives. Very seldom do we step out of our element and lend a helping hand, a kind gesture even a hello to a stranger passing by. I am one of these people guilty as charged. This is my attempt to break out of this mindset and open up my world to those around me.
I know I am a little slow in experiencing the wonderful world of musical/play spectrum, but I can't help but blog about the amazing time I had seeing the musical WICKED.
I am a little old school and ashamed to admit that I had no idea what Wicked was about. I knew it was about the wicked witch of the west but honestly couldn't tell you much more then that.I was able to go on Friday with my mom, sisters and my niece. We started the evening off with dinner at Bubba Gumps (based off the movie Forrest Gump) and then hit up the musical right after. We found some humor comparing my sister Mandy to Galinda... especially in the scene when she holds up the mirror after the song Popular and says "Oh hi" I've included a few photos below. It was great to share the evening with the girls :)
Seven years ago I drove 500 miles to a town called Provo, UT. I was 18. Young,stupid and unsure of what my life would end up being.
I never imagined what it would be like, living on my own, supporting myself being what you would call "an adult". In all honesty though, I still wonder sometimes if I could be considered that.
I spent these seven years learning. Each person coming into my life for a specific reason at a specific time. Teaching me something that I wasn't able to learn from anyone else. Helping me along this so called path of life and giving me instruction on how to endure the world when it comes at me. To these people I am ever grateful for. I am thankful for the good and the bad people in my life, because they made me who I am today.
Its crazy to think that in a way I'm ending this chapter of my life. Moving back to Colorado seems awkward, weird, unfamiliar. Its a change that I am willing to make, but hesitant about the unknown.
To Utah: Thank you for the seven years, thank you for the memories. I'm going to miss you. I'll be out to visit...
I've been addicted to music lately... any chance I get I search for a new song to download or go through the old ones that I have and fall in love with them all over again. I am on this "artistic" kick right now so I'm addicted to reading, writing, and listening to music. I pretty much push everything else to the side and make these three things my top priorities. Here are a couple of songs that I recently have fallen in love with...
"Fireflies" Owl City "Hear you Me" Jimmy Eat World (I know this isn't new but I love it!) "The Chain" Ingrid Michaelson "The Way I Am" Ingrid Michaelson "Speaking a Dead Language" Joy Williams "Love Drunk" Boys Like Girls
and I'm a little embarrassed to admit this song but I love the beat...
"I know you want me" Pitbull
PS: I need to take a second and thank my oh so favorite show GREY'S ANATOMY for introducing me to some amazing music! A huge shout out to Ingrid Michaelson who literally takes words out of my mouth, throws some chords with it and sings it more profound then any other artist I know of.
I can't help but pretend that even the newest news in my life seems a bit of a stretch. A smack to the face, something that even I couldn't have predicted or expected. I guess this is how the Lord tries our faith.
I got a call a week ago from my old boss. It was a Saturday and I was spending the day with a few close friends of mine for a birthday party. We had just finished our pedicures and were killing time while our freshly painted toes threatened to dent or get banged up. This call was unexpected, even when I saw his name I assumed it was to answer a question my replacement wouldn't know or instruct him on how to complete a report. He let me know that he had just returned from Denver where they discussed in detail the position they once had offered me. They had come to the conclusion that the position needed to be filled and this was the reason for the call. Dave was calling to re-offer me the job in Denver. He asked me to think about it and let him know Monday.
My immediate thoughts were to turn it down, I had just gotten situated here. I was in a new position, a new place of living, a new point in my life. It wasn't until Saturday night when I spoke to a good friend that my eyes were opened up a little. I literally felt like I was being pulled in half (I had some VERY interesting dreams these nights). So what should I do??
Over the next few days, I felt like I was on the phone every second I wasn't working. Asking for advice, sharing thoughts that others had and hoping that this person would give me insight that I had overlooked. I prayed. I prayed so much hoping that the Lord would bless me with peace of mind while I made this difficult decision. I talked in detail with my boss... what risks was I taking by accepting the job? Would I get more money? Training etc. I spoke with my bishop, and he reassured me that I needed to do what was best for me. I shouldn't care what others think that it comes down to what is best for me. I talked to my dad. His words of affirmation and advice pierced my soul and calmed me; and then I asked for a blessing from two worthy priesthood holders.
I was reassured in my blessing that I would have a good night's rest. (Something that I had lost out on since I received the call.) I was promised that I would feel more capable of making this decision after this nights rest. I was also promised that no matter what decision I choose to make I would be successful in it. So I did just that... I slept so well and the next morning, after saying a prayer I made the decision. Immediately following this, my mind was cleared. I felt like the weight I was carrying was lifted from my shoulders and since making this decision. I've had nothing but peace of mind. Even when I start feeling moments of doubt, its immediately washed away with reassurance.
So what decision did I make... I moving back to Colorado. Tuesday Oct 13th will be my last day in Utah. I trust in the Lord that this is the decision he wanted me to make and so I go in Faith.
So I need to admit something to my blog followers. Something I should probably be ashamed to share but it needs to come out. I thought the idea of family history was a bore. I never thought it would be interesting nor did I have any desire to take part in the research. I always figured that is something you do when you get old and especially in our religion, that's the only time you do it.
We had a wonderful lesson in church last week on Family History and I was disappointed in myself that I knew very (and when I say very I mean VERY) little about my ancestors. I listened to several people share their stories of great-great grandparents who did remarkable things. I left feeling down on myself for being to self involved in myself and not taking a few minutes to find out about, well... my family!
I came up and visited my aunt this weekend, she has done a good amount of research on my dad's side of the family and we chatted about it for a couple of hours. She pulled out huge binders full of stories and pictures of my ancestors. I spent the next 6 hours going through these books, learning about these men and women who sacrificed so much. I only made it through a small portion of the stories but it made me eager to do some of this myself. I listed a couple of interesting facts from my grandparents and above that I thought I would share. I plan to squeeze in a few hours over the next couple of weeks to get my own book started. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.
- My grandpa loved to dance and play music. He said any spare moments he had you could find him dancing or singing. -My grandma served a mission, worked in a beauty shop and didn't get married until she was 27. (There is hope for me!) -Most of my great-grandpas were polygamists. Not one had less then 12 kids. When polygamy stopped they were forced to let go of some of their wives. Many struggled with this decision and continued to keep them even if it meant they would be put in jail. -I had a great great great grandmother who loved to sew. She and her husband were good friends with Joseph Smith and Emma. My grandmother sewed a lot of Joseph's clothes for him, including the outfit he was killed in.
Just a few stories that stuck with me... I'm excited to gather more :)
I decided to do a little excerpt from the book I am writing... I'm only about 54 pages into it and still am having some trouble figuring out where I want it to go but I thought that my faithful blog followers could give me some thoughts and inspiration about this one page insert that I have provided. Yes, it may seem like a spoiler but trust me its only the beginning for what else I have in store :) Like I said... its only about one page of the 54 I have written (I shrunk it down and single spaced it) but my mind is all over the place right now that I work on different sections at different times, depending on the mood I am in. I literally pulled this from one part in the story. I apologize if it doesn't totally make sense in the beginning. Bear with me... when you read the whole thing it will.
Have a great day!
My lungs were gasping for the fresh air that so desperately tried to reach them. This simple act felt more like a reward and I wasn’t deserving of it. I fought back the tears, refusing to let even one hit my check. Crying only meant that I was allowing the truth to sink in and the truth hurt too much to believe.
“Holls that was Jim that just called. He was following a few cars behind Grace. I guess she stayed at his place last night.His car was one that was involved in the accident but he made it out with just a few broken bones in his right arm, he didn’t know who else to call.” “Holly, her parents don’t even know yet, where can I get their phone number? You need to come in and sit down, you’re shaking uncontrollably.”
It made sense why the screen door kept tapping against its frame. My hand was frozen in place, thoughts and images I couldn’t keep out but didn’t want to let in. The pains in my stomach were like acid. The only thing that I wanted to do was remove everything from my inside to stop the searing pains that were being created. I don’t remember how I made it to the front room. I think Scott finally managed to push the door open, picked me up and carried me in there. He set me down on the floor, and quickly moved all the clutter that covered the loveseat. I didn’t let him pick me back up, somewhere between his 210 lb build and my little 130 lbs I won the battle. I wanted nothing more then the carpet to suck me in. Hide me from the world and pretend that I never existed. I could hear Scotts voice in the distance somewhere. He was asking questions with impossible answers, his words started blending into each other. The ringing in my ears of cars honking and people screaming started to indulge every sense in my body. I heard him talking to someone, but didn’t remember anyone coming through the front door. It took me a minute to realize that he was on the phone, sharing the same horrible news that I had received what seemed like hours ago. The carpet beneath me started to irritate my face from the shagginess of it and the soggy center I had left from my tears. I tried to raise my head, but even that was like asking me to lift the very house I was laying in.
I didn’t move from that spot all night long. I remember Scott coming in and trying to lift me again, but with my helpless efforts my body laid there as if I too had died. Sleeping wasn’t the answer. I felt like my eyes were the enemy. Every time they suggested shutting I would see the very thing I feared; the scene of the accident; Graces white Honda Accord once so striking, now nothing more then a pile of rubbish. I could hear her screams and pleading for someone to stop the pain and get her out. Then I saw me, sitting in a car just a few feet ahead of her, feeling the same pain that she was experiencing. I tried to avoid the thought, the selfishness of how I survived and she didn't. The overwhelming feelings sent a whole new set of emotions and I prayed right then and there that my wish would be granted and the carpet would finally suck me in.
The night had seemed like a blur. At some point Scott had mentioned the phone call he had with her parents, his apologies that he hadn’t handed the phone to me to hear their condolences and receive them. They had found out the news a few hours prior to Scotts call and were waiting at the airport to fly to Florida. He told me that he had called my parents as well. Tyler demanded to speak to me, but it was I who pushed the phone away, refusing to open my mouth to anyone other then Grace. He confirmed something with Scott, but the extra effort of trying to decipher what that could be was more then I was capable of.
The sun burned my eyes as it seeped through the blinds. I finally blinked for the first time in what seemed like hours. I stared at the patterns in the carpet. Small pieces of shavings from Scott’s projects molded themselves into the webbing. I shaped them into unlike designs. Scott’s heavy breathing came from the coffee colored love seat behind me. Knowing the size of the couch and the length of Scott’s body, he couldn’t be very comfortable. He must have transitioned everything he was working on from the love seat to the couch. I’m sure he was regretting that decision but too exhausted to move it all again. Zoe rested her head on my legs. She made eye contact with me but some how understood not to get too excited over my small movements. The sound of car engines being awoken from a restful sleep was heard in the background of Scotts breathing. The day was beginning, never missing a beat or pausing to feel the pain that now moved freely inside of me.
My sweet friend Holly repeats this saying to me quite often and tonight it resounds in my head more fervently.
"People come into our lives for reasons we may never know. Sometimes they come for a short while and others for much longer periods of time, but believe it or not they come when we need them to"
I am still amazed at the sweet spirits I have in my life. I always know who to call when I need a boost of confidence, a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with and someone to reminisce with. I know who will pick up the phone at late hours of the night because yet again, I can't fall asleep. I know who to call in the middle of the day when the boy I like smiled at me and I need help interpreting that. I know who to call when I just give up and can't push forward anymore. I have endless lists of friends who just know how to pick me up when my wings have trouble remembering how to fly. I can't say enough on how much these people make a difference in my life... most of the time they don't even know they are making a difference. The last couple of weeks have been difficult, even after making the decision to stay, and still I have my rocks, my hero's, my comforters, my friends in my life cheering me on and pushing me forward. Sometimes I get upset with Heavenly Father, afraid that maybe He just isn't as aware of me as I had hoped. Then I look around and see the good people he has blessed me with and know that He uses them to help me down the rocky road I have come to.
These are the people I look up to. These are the woman and men that I hope someday I can be like. These are the people who have all the answers to my much needed questions. These are my friends.
