I'm sure each of you can relate back to a point in your life where you felt you were at a standstill. It felt like everything around you was moving forward, like the train analogy, everyone jumping on board and you're left at the station waiting for your train to come and pick you up. Is it possible to feel like your at a standstill when so much of your life is changing?
I ask this because that is where I'm at in my life. Nothing in my life is the same, well except for the fact that I'm still single, but even that has hit an all time low. If ever a point in my life shouldn't feel like a standstill it should be this moment. I started a new job, for those of you who didn't already know, I am training to be a pharmacy tech. A good job that could easily be something that I enjoy and foresee doing long term. I still have plans of going back to school and will enroll full time in the spring but my major has nothing to do with Pharmacy, and the more my simple brain learns about the program the more I realize how much memory is involved. I've never had a job where I wasn't the "go-to" girl. I've always held positions where I was the one "in-charge" and "knew what she is doing". To watch how a pharmacy functions and know that at this moment I can't add any value, not only frustrates me but has put me in that standstill mind frame. I try to suck in as much information as I can but unfortunately I am the opposite of a sponge, though I suck it all in, little actually stays with me.
I am having to learn how to make friends, that are girls... something that I haven't dealt with in a very long while. Most of you don't know this, but in my previous position, out of 65 people I interacted with approximately 12 were female. What is my point with all of this? I've gotten comfortable working amongst men. My new position is almost all girls, who are all my same age. Most girls would embrace this, find it comforting and a bit of fresh air... to me, I find it as a new challenge that I'm hesitant to attack. I don't know how to handle drama, or hurt feelings. I've never been good at bragging or being sympathetic. I have found myself this last week, observing, keeping to myself and just trying to take it all in. To me I almost feel like I'm hiding my true identity which has always been outgoing, funny and interesting... I'm just not sure how much of me can get wet in a pool that is already pretty full.
And of course how could I forget to mention the lack of interest I have right now in the male population. I've always been comforted in knowing that even though I wasn't 'in a relationship' at least I was dating. It was reassuring knowing that there were guys out there who found me adorable and irresistible; but as of late, a large shortage has taken effect and I'm left to question the future... I'm not super upset that I'm single, there are many pluses to it, but now and again it would be nice to have a warm body to curl up next to while watching a movie or knowing that another Friday night isn't going to be spent alone or "girls night out" (nothing against my sweet sisters, just needing a little testosterone).
So I sit at the train station, waiting for that train to pull up that is going to have the much needed answers on it... and hopefully, just hopefully, it will be headed down the path that I've intended...
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
What the...??
So I know my life has been one of those movies where you sit at the edge of your seat, popcorn in hand, not able to actually make the final lift to the mouth because your eyes are glued to the show. You could hear a pin drop in the room... No one wanting to make a sound incase they miss something vital. Each person sitting around you has similar expressions on their faces. Jaws open, no one blinking, even their breathing is so shallow that its a wonder they still have color in their face.
Maybe I'm thinking a little too highly of myself, but I will let you know that even I'm a little unsure what is going on in my life... and if anyone should know, it outta be me right!? So for those of you anxious to know if I'm staying or going, if I'm doing school and if so will it be hair or regular, and where in the heck am I working... sit down, grab a bite to eat and enjoy a little bit of light reading....
So two months ago I was offered a job with my current employer out in Colorado. It was going to be a promotion and since that's where I am from and had already been contemplating a move back to the homeland... I thought it was a sign from God saying "Go home, good things to come". So I sold my contract, told my boss to find a replacement and had the parental unit move all my stuff back to Colorado. Not two weeks before I was supposed to be moving back to the Rocky Mountains did my boss inform me that our Regional offices had different plans in place for the position out in Colorado... they decided against backfilling the job. So where did that leave me? My boss asked this very same question to our Colorado offices and they said "Back at square one".
As my family can contest.... I don't handle stress very well. I don't like knowing what the next month/months look like in my life. So I went into immediate planning mood.... doing a whole re-evaluation of my life. PAUSE: A small side note... a big shout out to my momma who provides such wisdom when I can't see through the dark clouds. She knew just what to say in a time of need! PLAY: I did some research on the hair schools I was interested in out here, and even though I wasn't totally thinking clearly I could feel that hair school wasn't right for me. The school I liked out here raised its prices and didn't have any openings until next year. I didn't feel like it was right and so I went to my next option... finishing up my degree. Again I researched my classes/credits/timing etc. I could finish up my degree in 1 1/2 years if I really wanted to. Having a degree would mean more then I can even explain. I hate to admit this on here, since so often I change my ideas but its something I need to do. I've been trying to look at the reasons the job in Colorado didn't work out... besides my overwhelming frustration with the situation, had I gotten the job I would've kept putting school off. I would've made my current employer my lifetime job...when I know I can do so much more. With the reassurance from my mom that this was a good decision I made the choice to stay in Utah.
Sounds great huh? Remember, half of my stuff is sitting in Colorado, I'm living out of suitcases as different friends housesPAUSE: many many many thanks to Angie and Tony, Kristy, Kellyanne and Danielle, and Nat and Scott! You guys have saved me from living out of suitcases. PLAY: and I don't have a job. Again, much like a robot I jumped into plan mode... My dear sweet friend Brooke offered for me to live with her. She and Dorian will be such fun girls to live with and I'm excited for the adventures we will have! ;0)
Last but not least, my job... I'm not sure yet what I'm going to be doing... a lot is left hanging on a few decisions that need to be made by my company. I will continue to work for the same employer and focus on school. Once I get my degree my opportunities and options will open up. I will keep you all posted on my job, but until then this is the life I've been living for the last few weeks and let me tell you... it definitely has been an eye opener of an experience.
I'm not sure why things happen the way the do, but I'm not too upset that I don't. I trust that God does and he'll guide me if I'm willing to take His hand and let Him lead me.
(Closing Credits)
Maybe I'm thinking a little too highly of myself, but I will let you know that even I'm a little unsure what is going on in my life... and if anyone should know, it outta be me right!? So for those of you anxious to know if I'm staying or going, if I'm doing school and if so will it be hair or regular, and where in the heck am I working... sit down, grab a bite to eat and enjoy a little bit of light reading....
So two months ago I was offered a job with my current employer out in Colorado. It was going to be a promotion and since that's where I am from and had already been contemplating a move back to the homeland... I thought it was a sign from God saying "Go home, good things to come". So I sold my contract, told my boss to find a replacement and had the parental unit move all my stuff back to Colorado. Not two weeks before I was supposed to be moving back to the Rocky Mountains did my boss inform me that our Regional offices had different plans in place for the position out in Colorado... they decided against backfilling the job. So where did that leave me? My boss asked this very same question to our Colorado offices and they said "Back at square one".
As my family can contest.... I don't handle stress very well. I don't like knowing what the next month/months look like in my life. So I went into immediate planning mood.... doing a whole re-evaluation of my life. PAUSE: A small side note... a big shout out to my momma who provides such wisdom when I can't see through the dark clouds. She knew just what to say in a time of need! PLAY: I did some research on the hair schools I was interested in out here, and even though I wasn't totally thinking clearly I could feel that hair school wasn't right for me. The school I liked out here raised its prices and didn't have any openings until next year. I didn't feel like it was right and so I went to my next option... finishing up my degree. Again I researched my classes/credits/timing etc. I could finish up my degree in 1 1/2 years if I really wanted to. Having a degree would mean more then I can even explain. I hate to admit this on here, since so often I change my ideas but its something I need to do. I've been trying to look at the reasons the job in Colorado didn't work out... besides my overwhelming frustration with the situation, had I gotten the job I would've kept putting school off. I would've made my current employer my lifetime job...when I know I can do so much more. With the reassurance from my mom that this was a good decision I made the choice to stay in Utah.
Sounds great huh? Remember, half of my stuff is sitting in Colorado, I'm living out of suitcases as different friends housesPAUSE: many many many thanks to Angie and Tony, Kristy, Kellyanne and Danielle, and Nat and Scott! You guys have saved me from living out of suitcases. PLAY: and I don't have a job. Again, much like a robot I jumped into plan mode... My dear sweet friend Brooke offered for me to live with her. She and Dorian will be such fun girls to live with and I'm excited for the adventures we will have! ;0)
Last but not least, my job... I'm not sure yet what I'm going to be doing... a lot is left hanging on a few decisions that need to be made by my company. I will continue to work for the same employer and focus on school. Once I get my degree my opportunities and options will open up. I will keep you all posted on my job, but until then this is the life I've been living for the last few weeks and let me tell you... it definitely has been an eye opener of an experience.
I'm not sure why things happen the way the do, but I'm not too upset that I don't. I trust that God does and he'll guide me if I'm willing to take His hand and let Him lead me.
(Closing Credits)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Wonders
I've got plenty on my mind so bare with me as I unload some of it onto my blog. For some, you have been eagerly awaiting the news I spoke of in my last post. Another upcoming event in my life that I didn't want to jinx. Some of you couldn't handle the anticipation and went directly to the next source of outgoing information... my facebook page! Here you were able to see that I am interviewing for a promotion with my company. I've got two of the five interviews done (and as my dear friend Craig said to me "What the heck!? Are you interviewing to be a doctor?") I am still in the running for this position out in Colorado. Before I share too much more I would like to backup for a second and share how certain events led to this interview. I was sitting at home on a snowy winter day and it dawned on me... I have been in Utah for 6 1/2 years! I slowly started to panic, light-headed and gasping for air, I laid down on my bed hoping that this anxiety would quickly go away. I shuffled through images in my mind. Ones that were memorable, ones that made me who I am today, and ones that I removed as quickly as they entered. Days, weeks and months after this specific moment passed as I contemplated what it was I wanted in life. Naturally the first thoughts that came to my head was a family. I wanted more then anything to have a husband but knowing that its not my timing but the Man upstairs, I needed to be closer to the family he blessed me with. It was that decision (and that alone) that led me to the choice of moving back to Colorado. I prayed a lot about it, asked for direction and guidance. No matter what your spiritual beliefs are, I know that God has a plan for each of us and if we ask in faith, He will lead us down the right one. I struggled back and forth with my decision to stay in Utah or move back to my family in Colorado. I weighed out my options:
Colorado Utah
-My family -My friends
-A fresh start - A good ward
-saving money -comfort
I still couldn't help but think how much I wanted to be close to my family and for that it trumped anything else in my life. Receiving the guidance I needed from the leaders in my church I made the decision. I knew I could transfer with my company; however, there was a chance of loosing a lot with the transfer. I wasn't getting the same position, I could loose a couple of dollars in pay and loose the gaurenteed 8-4:30/M-F shift. I would be living back with my parents. 25, single, and living with your parents isn't always the coolest thing, but again I knew it was something I needed to do. Two amazingly good guys came into my life over the last two months, both with real potential, but knowing that I'm moving in the next couple of months they backed off. I couldn't change my mind. Colorado is where I need to be. When I finally made the decision, opportunities started opening up for me. For example... this job (a job that opens up once every 15-20 years), a job that my bosses contacted me about, wanting to know if I would be interested. A promotion, overseeing people who do my job. I would be known within the company. A huge opportunity. Another example is how excited I am to have at least one dear friend out there named Holly, who has so anxiously kept my spirits up when sometimes they fall short of excited. Lastly, an opportunity to find someone out there who will eventually become my husband... because lets be honest, I'm too cute and won't be on the market for very long once I get out there! :0) (kidding... well kind of). So the Lord does help us along our path if we trust in Him and put all our faith Him. I don't have the job yet, and there is a good chance I don't get it. I could end up being single for a lot longer then I ever expected... but I know that whatever happens, happens for a reason. So in 45 days... I will be a Coloradian again!
Colorado Utah
-My family -My friends
-A fresh start - A good ward
-saving money -comfort
I still couldn't help but think how much I wanted to be close to my family and for that it trumped anything else in my life. Receiving the guidance I needed from the leaders in my church I made the decision. I knew I could transfer with my company; however, there was a chance of loosing a lot with the transfer. I wasn't getting the same position, I could loose a couple of dollars in pay and loose the gaurenteed 8-4:30/M-F shift. I would be living back with my parents. 25, single, and living with your parents isn't always the coolest thing, but again I knew it was something I needed to do. Two amazingly good guys came into my life over the last two months, both with real potential, but knowing that I'm moving in the next couple of months they backed off. I couldn't change my mind. Colorado is where I need to be. When I finally made the decision, opportunities started opening up for me. For example... this job (a job that opens up once every 15-20 years), a job that my bosses contacted me about, wanting to know if I would be interested. A promotion, overseeing people who do my job. I would be known within the company. A huge opportunity. Another example is how excited I am to have at least one dear friend out there named Holly, who has so anxiously kept my spirits up when sometimes they fall short of excited. Lastly, an opportunity to find someone out there who will eventually become my husband... because lets be honest, I'm too cute and won't be on the market for very long once I get out there! :0) (kidding... well kind of). So the Lord does help us along our path if we trust in Him and put all our faith Him. I don't have the job yet, and there is a good chance I don't get it. I could end up being single for a lot longer then I ever expected... but I know that whatever happens, happens for a reason. So in 45 days... I will be a Coloradian again!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
More to come...
I know it has been a while since my last update and to tell you the truth I have big things in motion but not settled so rather then giving away a surprise or jinxing myself of anything good happening I have decided to keep this post simple and relaxing. To all of my close blog followers, don't fret! I have not died, given up writing, or chosen to go into hiding (although this crosses my mind every couple of days or so) I am just waiting to receive my own "confirmation", the green light that says "Type these exciting updates! Share with the world of bloggers all the exciting events going on in your life". Be patient, give me some time, and I will share where I have been and what I have been up to over the several weeks... until then enjoy the family photos that were taken a few months ago!
Abbie and Gunner
Me, Joby, Lena, Mandy
Baby Taya
Mike, Trent, Dad, Gunner, Travis
Me
Friday, May 8, 2009
Those were the days...
So I was sitting at work today contemplating the ways of life, arguing with one of my bosses about the amount of water a camel can drink and talking diseases with the other one (you know a normals days worth of work) when it dawned on me... in 8 days (depending on when you read this) I will be 25. Now for my fellow blog followers I wrote an entry last birthday about how I was beginning my quarter-life crisis one year too soon when I splurged and bought a new car. Now that the date is really approaching (May 17th to be exact... all presents are welcome) I'm realizing how I am one step away from having the actual Quarter-life crisis mini melt down. Now is the time to start planning my retirement and becoming a regular at BINGO night. I'll look into buying my cane and start shopping for perfumes by Elizabeth Arden or Elizabeth Taylor that screams old woman. I'll revert back to the roller vacuum that is practically useless, purchase a rocking chair that I can use to sit on the porch and wave to the neighbors. I'll tell stories about the days in school when chalkboards were all we had and whiteboards were a rarity. Friends of mine will join along in the discussion how gas used to be .95 cents a gallon and the cool shows to watch were KIDS Incorporated, Saved by the Bell, Duck Tales and Rescue Rangers. Such things as Nintendo DS and Wii's weren't around. Every child was familiar with the music from Super Mario Bros played on the original Nintendo. Riding bikes and playing make believe was an everyday occurrence. Lunches at school were always phrased in a similar manner "Are you having Hot or Cold lunch today?" For me, it was always cold lunch and if I was really lucky I would get a snackpack or dunkaroos in my bag for dessert. Recess at the time seemed like it lasted for hours, where in actuality it wasn't more then 15 minutes. Nothing mattered back then. The biggest concerns I had as a child was whether or not I was going to get time to play with my friends after school.
Awe yes... those were the days...
Awe yes... those were the days...
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
The Biggest Loser
So I recently (well about 10 weeks ago) became a fan of the TV show the Biggest Loser. I can't help but get excited for every Tuesday night and watch the challenges that these people have to endure. I find that not only is it uplifting and changing their lives, I notice the longing I have in my own life to start eating better and exercise more. This is why I've set a little challenge for myself... (yes another one) I want to run a 10k before I move back to Colorado (oh wait... did I forget to mention how I told a little white lie in my last entry and have actually decided to go back to Colorado instead!?) Oops sorry! For my Utah friends... I've been here seven long and I guess I can say wonderful years. I have met my best friends here and I can honestly say that it will be difficult but I am excited to get back to Colorado and start new and fresh. Lets face it... Utah and I were never meant to be forever and if I don't leave now, I may never leave. So I will be venturing back to my home state sometime in August depending on school. Don't you worry though... I will still keep my blog updated and share all my exciting stories with you on here.
So back to my 10k, I always seem to down play running in my mind. For example, when people tell me the distances that they run I think to myself "Oh 9 miles, that must have been a little difficult but I can do it" (refer back to my entry about writing a story... I think I can do anything) Until I jump on that treadmill or I start running down the path outside and realize just how far a mile actually is. I'm lucky if I get to 3 or 4 miles before I'm gasping for air, looking for a place to rest my shaky knees. Sweat falls down my brow and I contemplate sticking the thumb out and showing some skin to get a ride back to my condo. Then the words of Bob and Jillian come into my head "Do it again" and I think back to my own trainer Johnny who pushed me when I thought there was no way I could do it again and somehow I find the strength to push through... so I can run this 10k! It will be my going away gift to Utah. (I know... some gift!)
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Too Old?
Are you ever too old to start something new? Does there come a time when you have to continue doing what you know how to do and shouldn't attempt to start something new? I know God put us here on this Earth for us to learn and grow. So in answer to that question I don't feel that we are ever too old to try something different and that is what I decided to do...
I've been contemplating a lot of big decisions lately and for the few of you that I share my life drama with you know the stress I've been under. I have finally made decisions to the questions I threw around in my head for so long and am excited to share this with the few blog followers I have!
First and for most, I've been working on finishing school for quite some time. I've changed my major so many times that I've forgotten the one I originally came out for. I've taken a break from school at different points during my time in Utah and settled on one just to finish up. Having many talks with my dear sweet sister, I decided yet again to change life up a little bit (I mean everyone needs a little excitement in their lives) I have decided to go to cosmetology school. I plan to finish up my last semester at UVU this summer and then begin classes in August. I can't explain the excitement I have about this decision... I know its not going to be an easy road but it will definitely be worth it.
With this decision, I have come to appreciate more then ever having a job that can support me while I start this new chapter in my life. I am excited to be able to still work full time and take my cosmetology classes in the evening. It will be a long haul but I trust that if I put my mind to it and really have a desire to do this... all things are possible! And finally, for all those who were praying for me to stay in Utah... you got your wish (at least I'm 98.9% sure of it) I'll be residing in Utah for at least two more years (my Colorado folk... I will return some time in my life... don't you worry!)
I know some of you may be thinking... she turns 25 in a little over a month and she is just now starting to get her life on track? My response to that... I am young, I am single and I have the whole world at my feet. I can do what I want at this point and this is something new and exciting and something I can't wait to begin.
So for my faithful supporters I will need models starting in August so please contact me if you are interested.
WISH ME LUCK!
I've been contemplating a lot of big decisions lately and for the few of you that I share my life drama with you know the stress I've been under. I have finally made decisions to the questions I threw around in my head for so long and am excited to share this with the few blog followers I have!
First and for most, I've been working on finishing school for quite some time. I've changed my major so many times that I've forgotten the one I originally came out for. I've taken a break from school at different points during my time in Utah and settled on one just to finish up. Having many talks with my dear sweet sister, I decided yet again to change life up a little bit (I mean everyone needs a little excitement in their lives) I have decided to go to cosmetology school. I plan to finish up my last semester at UVU this summer and then begin classes in August. I can't explain the excitement I have about this decision... I know its not going to be an easy road but it will definitely be worth it.
With this decision, I have come to appreciate more then ever having a job that can support me while I start this new chapter in my life. I am excited to be able to still work full time and take my cosmetology classes in the evening. It will be a long haul but I trust that if I put my mind to it and really have a desire to do this... all things are possible! And finally, for all those who were praying for me to stay in Utah... you got your wish (at least I'm 98.9% sure of it) I'll be residing in Utah for at least two more years (my Colorado folk... I will return some time in my life... don't you worry!)
I know some of you may be thinking... she turns 25 in a little over a month and she is just now starting to get her life on track? My response to that... I am young, I am single and I have the whole world at my feet. I can do what I want at this point and this is something new and exciting and something I can't wait to begin.
So for my faithful supporters I will need models starting in August so please contact me if you are interested.
WISH ME LUCK!
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